life is strange
life is beautiful
life is fierce.
sometimes i wish
i were a fish or a bird. i feel like life would be eternal and ethereal. it’s something about being in water or air, gliding through a fluid and living with the surrounding earth. so calm.
hard day at work
but it was definitely worth it. this whole job will be over by tomorrow, and maybe a couple fix-ups over the next week or so. but that’s nothing compared to the feeling of getting a solid pay check.
my body hurts from running and from bending over in the sun for four hours, but it’s an okay feeling. i like having accomplished something.
still haven’t taken my calculus entrance exam, fuck. however, the things on my to-do list are dwindling. once i finish these two lighting jobs, i’m making a pitch for my dad’s house and maybe another lady. i’ve got to take the math test as well as drop my philosophy class for next semester. bonnaroo is quickly approaching too, so i’ll be making preparations with Paul soon.
lastly… i have to give my baby bird to the LSU vet school this week so they can get him ready to go back to the big skies. i’m gonna miss little Rocko.
my to-do list of today.
i’ve already bought a few used books off the B&N site because of the giftcard i was given. it’s such a difficult thing to choose which ones to get that i ended up not even spending the whole thing. next i think i’ll shower and get all dressed for the day. then, to the bank. i have to go get a box of thank you notes to send to all of the people who gave me stuff for graduation, so i’ll probably spend part of my afternoon with my baby bird writing them in the great outdoors. maybe a salad for a late lunch and a movie later on.
gotta clean my room and wash my clothes as well…
this is the wooorrrld as we know it.
(any book recommendations would be greatly appreciated. i like insightful literature; hesse, coelho, vonnegut, mcewan, john greene, etc.)
spent a bunch of money this week
that i really didn’t have to spend for the sake of being careless, and i’m already getting paid enough to pay myself back like four-fold… so much for being careless, right? so much for working every day this week and next! i’m just ready to get it all out of the way. then getting paid again, then bonnaroo, then getting my volunteer deposit refunded…
no cares in the world except my boyfriend and my health. that’s how it should be!
too annoyed right now.
this is one of those times where i’m not going to post anything about my annoyances on here because i know it will be seen by the wrong eyes. dumb.
in other news.
sleeping alone is shitty when he should be here next to me. this house is so big and it feels so empty.
i’m going to work
at Louie’s in an hour. it’s been a while since i’ve waited tables. i’m sorta glad for several reasons: this is an easy shift, i get off early tonight, i’ll make money, i only have three more waiting shifts after this, and business will probably be slow due to a lack of college students in the area.
it’s starting to really dawn on me that summer is here and high school is over. i have all this graduation money that i don’t have any use for, so i put most of it in my savings account. i feel more money-secure than i have… ever. it’s sorta weird not having to worry about how much i’ll get tipped or why i can’t buy summer clothes. now i can go buy summer clothes. i can afford the gas to go to Bonnaroo. i can afford the supplies and such. i can afford to buy stuff for Ben just because i feel like it, and that honestly just makes me happy. i’m going to go get a new ring soon, some books, some shoes, and some clothes (thank the lord). i’ll get a few dresses definitely. a swim suit.
my mouth is bothering me less today. the holes where my teeth were are healing up. granted, i’m still on the damn antibiotics. i hate how they make my body fuck up, like random periods are not fun. not okay. but now that i can eat again, i’m back onto my egg obsession and my ice cream binge. badbadbad.
i think i’m happy. i’m unsure sometimes. like last night, i was driving home at about 2am. i thought to myself “am i really living, or is this just existing?” it’s odd because i’m at a point in my life that isn’t similar to anything that has happened before. i don’t have a close-knit friend group all of the time. i do, however, have a loving and caring boyfriend with no psychological issues, which is absolutely wonderful. i thank my stars for him every day, so to speak. but where am i going with my life? my summer. am i just trying to be in love and make money? because sometimes that’s how i feel.
not even money now.
just love, i think.
tonight at Giles’s house
we watched a movie. i was falling asleep pretty quickly, per usual. Ben leaned over and whispered “you’re beautiful.” everything is amazing, and that just put the cherry on top. life.
oxycodone.
i’m really starting to realize why some people like this drug so much. it’s been three days since my surgery, and i’ve still got some of my pills left. it helps alot with the pain of course, but i think the main things that i like about this medication are how i can disregard the pain, stay awake and productive, and stay emotionally neutral. i nearly broke down twice this morning, but once the oxy kicked in, i started to feel great. i took a nap and watched another movie. i took a shower and cleaned up a little. so much energy right now. it’s an upper for me for sure. i can’t say that i feel joyful, but i’m definitely not sad or depressed or worried.
i’m not working again until friday night. graduation is on wednesday. my face is feeling pretty good at the moment. swelling was up and my left jaw was in so much pain this morning, but i think it’s all gone down a considerable amount since then. but. could just be the medication.
i hope tonight goes well.
my face hurts.
the healing process is going okay. i threw up from morning till like four yesterday, but i got it under control. then i just ate everything i could, mashed potatoes and baby food yay.
i knew it would be hard for me this weekend, mentally. i just didn’t know it’d be this hard. i need someone to care.
